I put in all my effort and pushed Rocky up the hill, it was quite a Herculean task for me (Trust me! Hercules ain’t got nothin’ on me.) but I persevered and reached the tip of the steep hill. Suddenly a deep shudder and rocky went rolling down again. Well, don’t worry Rocky isn’t a person, he’s this spherical rock that I live with. Now before you start thinking that this guy here is completely out of his mind or has lost his marbles please take a few minutes and listen to the smartest person alive. (Okay Zeus! Technically! Well, why don’t we let the reader decide!)
I wasn’t always semi-naked with a cloth around my loins pushing a rock up a steep hill forever. No Sir! I was a king! That’s right! I was always dressed in the finest of tunics and animal skin. Nothing could compare to the lavish life that I used to lead. Oh! The parties I had would shame all these people sipping alcohol in their puny little yachts. You could ask Dionysus about them! He’s literally the god of partying and yet he would turn two shades brighter than the wine we served, in jealousy. Oh the beautiful maidens and the lavish spread we used to have! Just the thought of that makes me go into a different zone.
Even though the “gods” were quite jealous it wasn’t that which landed me in cushy 24 x 7 x 365 x Infinity job role with no added benefits or even medical insurance. (Zeus doesn’t even pay for my dental! Can you imagine? Being the “King of Olympus” and not paying for dental? Real cheapskate! Ulp! You heard that? Sorry Zeus!) Well at least I can nag him without losing my job. Oops! Got a little carried away there! So as I was saying, all that I ever did was get a little carried away and poke a few people in their tummy and in their chest and head. (Okay Zeus! I hear you!) Maybe, that was a little under-exaggerated (Does this word even exist? Well even if it doesn’t, I just coined it up so let’s stick with that) Okay, so getting back to the point. I was very good with navigation and trade and we started getting people from all across the world visiting our court. I just wanted to know if people of different colors were the same as us, especially when they tested my patience (Okay, I admit, I was racist but this was like eons ago. I know better now.) This technically was a wrongdoing on two-counts. Firstly being racist and the second being against Zeus’s policy of Xenia (Not the warrior princess! That’s Xena! What? You think only you guys watch the telly? This is Xenia, which is the Greek philosophy of being hospitable to your guests, especially those who have come from far.) Also to be honest I was insecure and didn’t want to discover anyone more awesome than me!
So long story short! The gods convened and I was unjustly killed. My punishment for being too curious and crafty (Will tell you more about that later!) was to be chained to a rock by Thanatos. (You might know him by the name of the grim reaper.) Now, this guy Thanatos, was very sneaky and he pulled me to the underworld when I was asleep, dreaming of my next feast at the Isthmian games. (Yup! Another one of my inventions.) Now, I was literally fuming, as the next season was coming up soon and we had to get all the planning done at the earliest. So I decided to pull a sneaky on death itself. Once we reached the rock where I was to be chained after the panic inducing journey through the underworld (1/10 stars for Charon, the bloke didn’t even have a lyre playing some soulful music for my supposed last journey ever 😦 , but great job on the Haunted house vibe Hades! I was freaked out 100%) I pretended to be intrigued by the entire experience of how Thanatos was chaining me up and kept asking him about the various incantations and procedures. And well, The dude played right into my hands and before I knew it, I had the entire functioning of the chain’s locking system down to the t and locked Mr. Grim using the very same chains. Trust me! His face was quite grim after that. I rushed back the same way and paid Charon five extra drachmas to take off at full speed and get a functioning stereo or at least a flute so there could be some music.
While I wasn’t sure how much Charon spent on the music but Thanatos had to face quite a lot of music from the Olympians. With him being chained people stopped dying, You might say that’s a great thing and so did I. However The Olympians with their heads in the clouds filled with wisdom felt that was wrong. The most affected person was Ares (The god of war) who apparently found it pointless to have wars when no one actually died. He personally arranged a manhunt/god-hunt and looked for Thanatos. Once he was found, he rushed and personally un-cuffed him.
If you think this was awesome, we’re just getting started. I knew that my days would be numbered so I came up with another crafty plan to ensure that I could get one up on the Olympians again. Either they realized their mistake or Thanatos was just plain embarrassed to face me I don’t really know. However I didn’t find myself in the underworld until 70 years later. This time I was well prepared, Thanatos seemed to have forgotten about me and the chaining incident so that certainly seemed to help. The day I reached home alive I had put it in my will that if i were to ever die my naked body should be thrown in the town square ( I sort of stated that if my wife truly loved me, she would have to do so) . And as decided my wife did the same. While we were on the scenic path of the Styx I suddenly started weeping and put up a charade and cried out that my wife had insulted me. I then spoke with Thanatos and again tricked him into sending me back so that I could scold my wife for her disrespect. No sooner had he spoken the words that I rushed back to grasp at life once more! Once I was back, I stopped paying attention to Thanatos’s calls and pleas to return. Plus it seems that with each return Thanatos’s grip on me reduced manifold so that seemed to be why he couldn’t drag me back.
Unfortunately this time my crime was escalated to Hades, god of the underworld and he personally dragged me away to the depths of Hell. Well! So much for being crafty! Again, the gods of Olympus gathered around to discuss my fate and somehow they decided that my fate was to roll a massive boulder which weighed a ton up a steep hill and once I reached the top the boulder would roll back down and I would have to start over again, and this would go on for all eternity. (Sigh! All this intelligence and I’m now chained to an eternity of useless efforts and unending frustration) This punishment was so pointless and stupid that my beautiful name Sisyphus is now used to describe pointless or interminable activities. ie, Sisyphean Activities So that’s how I found my new friend rocky, after all we’ve been friends for quite a few millenniums so he certainly needs a name.
However my question to you dear reader, Am I immortal or am I just a dead inanimate soul?
Comment below and settle this bet between Zeus and me.
Significtion 